MISERY LOVES COMPANY

David ask me if i thought that $300-350 for daycare was good enough for child support for Isaiah.
 Here are his words:

"On another note if/when I move out. If I paid you $300-$350 a month to cover izee daycare and took zay zay off your hands every other weekend or whatever do you think that is reasonable child support?"

So i asked him what about everything else that Isaiah needs and he starting talking about custody and a bunch of who knows what. I just cant take this shit with him anymore...if it's nothing then its something.  i dont know i am trying to be be EASY as he says but he is just so dumb. He came home from work and was easy, i was studying and trying to get my head right and he was worried about getting his workout on. i dont know he doesnt have his priorities in order  and i thnk thats what bothers me. When he left to go to Bible class he asked me to take my clothes out of the wash because he is going to need it when he gets back and i said ok.. so as i am at home alone with isaiah doing my homework i hear the back metal door clothes but judt thought i was hearing things. once i got done it was time for munchkins bath , i walked to my room and noticed the  inside door from the garage to the house was open..i ma thinking that David wouldnt leave that door open...so i go to get a knife from the kitchen and take it with me to the bathroom. As i am doing that i close the door but dont lock it (in case i have to run) and start checking all the rooms. Coast is clear, but i am still on edge. so i am giving munch a bath and as we get done i hear david come in i ask him to follow me to Isaiah's room and tell him the story he says " yea i left it open so you can remember to get your clothes." i asked him why he didnt tell me he was leaving it open" he just looks at me and says nothing i kee ptalking and then he walks off. i mumble so that he can hear me " I am sorry Malisa didnt mean to freak you out, no problem David just let me know next time" What a jerk... i say something else he says i am nagging and then says o there goes mommy being mean again...i tell him just stop i get upset when you say that just stop...no one is being mean..just stop ...you dont like me i get it ....He says "no i dont like you..epescailly when you are being mean and nagging.. I tell you once a gain if it not nothing then its something.

i just want happiness and peace.. not to be around some one that cant take the heat when its dished back to them...you only get from this world what you put out...i want to put out postive and smiles and happy...

In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. "Deserves" is not the point. And "owes" is certainly not the point. The pont is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is -- in the right hands, everything that you give, you get     (Amy Bloom)

We can travel a long way and do many things, but our deepest happiness is not born from accumulating new experiences. it is born from letting go of what is unnecessary, and knowing ourselves to be always at home.

I feel good about getting this out. Letting my feeling and emotinal Hangovers on the screen flow from my fingers....i always say that it is better out then in my head. i am ready to move on and live my life. .do what is good for me and for Isaiah...

- Sharon Salzberg